The Countdown

The countdown is starting. Just kidding, the countdown stated before my first consult. But it is getting super close. Just 16 more days until my 6th visit, and roughly 49 days until surgery. Shit is getting real.

I’ve been absent for sometime now, life kinda got in the way. I was/am on the edge of losing my job, losing my insurance to pay for the surgery, and losing the income that is keeping me and my child (barely) floating. So for the last month I put the surgery in the back of my mind and focused solely on keeping my job, which seemed to work because I still have a job. Six years of knowing I needed this surgery to better my life and I wasn’t ready to give up on it.

I’ve allowed myself to start getting excited again. I’m back to buying post-op shakes and researching my vitamins. Back to reading everyone’s success stories and seeing their amazing progress pictures and imagining all the wonderful things I will achieve.

Here is a list of things I want to do after the weight loss:

  • Buy a kayak (I’ll be able to fit in all of them!) and kayak all over.
  • Go camping and hiking. I am aiming for Cali to see the redwood trees.
  • Blow my last 5k time out of the water, which wont be hard to do.
  • Take a dance class.
  • Rock climb….but maybe just at a rock climbing gym.

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The world will be mine for the taking. 49 days away.

My Ugly Truth

Another subject that is hard for me to talk about is my mental health. My anxiety has made its self present while waiting on the surgery. I change my mind about this surgery many times a day. A lot of negative thoughts creep into my head about it, worried something going wrong during surgery or even years after. All days end with in the decision that having the surgery will be the best for me.

Over the last 3 years my weight has been like a roller coaster. At one point, I lost about seventy pounds. Remembering how happy I was during that brief time of weighing less and feeling healthier is what keeps convincing me to go through with it.

 

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I’m a pretty negative person, always the pessimist of the group. So the thought of something going wrong crosses my mind all the time. I’ve set myself up with a hefty life insurance policy and started making a will, as scary as that sounds. So if there’s something of mine you’d like, you better tell me quick! :p